We still have no health plan from Trump, just a "concept" of one that looks like this...
Two 90-year-olds had been dating for a while, when the man told the woman, “Well, tonight’s the night we have sex!”
And so they did.
As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself: My God, if I knew she was a virgin, I would have been much more gentle with her!
And the woman was thinking to herself: My God, if I knew the old geezer could actually get it up, I would have taken off my panty hose!
An extra bonus sexy QUICKIES for the BIG VEGAS UPDATE...
And then there was the "Town Hall" that he stopped after 30 minutes of softball questions to dance on stage for the next 40 minutes...
Trump Bibles, Trump watches, shoes, bitcoin...the Presidency to him is one big grift...
In Business News, don't you get tired being asked for a charitable contribution every time you buy groceries...
More quickies to make you groan...
Twins, with a difference...
After trying many fruits and vegetables in my kids lunch, their favourite by far was sliced cucumber.
I don’t know if it was our fridge, but they only really stayed fresh for a few days. This meant that at least twice a week I was stopping at the corner grocery store to just grab a couple cucumbers.
After a couple months it became obvious that I kept buying them from the same clerk. The way he interacted with me also changed, giving me little smile’s and sometimes a knowing wink and smile.
All of a sudden it hit me, and I felt embarrassed by what he was probably thinking. The next time I went in I also grabbed a jar of Vaseline; hopefully I fixed this before he spread any rumors about me being a vegan.
A little old lady goes to the dentist. She strips from the waist down, lays back in the chair, and puts her legs up.
The dentist says, excuse me Mrs, I'm not a gynecologist!
The little old lady looks at him and says, "I know! I need my husband's teeth back."
But if you look at what he wants to do as President, it gets weirder than that. Consider his idea on tariffs, a scheme that he feels will increase revenue and keep out imports...
A Guy Applied For a Job and the Interviewer Said, "Why I There a Four Year Stretch Where You Did Nothing?"
The guy said, "I was in Yale."
The interviewer was very impressed. He said, "Yale? Wow, you're hired."
The guy said, "Thanks. I really need this yob.
Some things to think about as we approach November.
In Entertainment News, Sean "P Diddy" Combs is accused of sexual assault and sex trafficking. Maybe his high school yearbook picture should have given us a clue...
Immigration is his big buzzword. Deport the illegals! The racists out there love it, but what will it really mean?...
And in a desperate attempt to save their season, the Jets traded for Rodgers buddy, Davante Adams...
If there is another pandemic, do you really think he has what it takes to keep America safe?...
In NFL News, Aaron Rodgers got his coach fired, as the Jets continue to flounder...
An appropriate joke for the Vegas trip...
Might have heard this one before, but it is still funny...
As the Presidential campaign winds down to the last few weeks, Donald Trump is acting more and more bizarre...
Consider his rally at Coachella, where people parked 5 miles from the rally, were bussed through the desert to the venue, then left stranded when there were no busses to take them back...
In Sports News, my Badgers take a 3 game winning streak into a really tough matchup against...
A young lady visited a computer dating service and requested, "I'm looking for a spouse. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?"
The matchmaker said, "What exactly are you looking for?"
"Well, let me see. Needs to be good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing.
Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour if I don't go out.
Be able to tell me interesting stories when I need a companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest."
The matchmaker entered the information into the computer and, in a matter of moments, handed the results to the woman: "Buy a television."
October 22, 2024
He just must be a really good conversationalist with a great sense of humor.
And if that was not a joke enough, let's get to this week's Jokes, with the coveted lead off spot going to a guy who fought off knee surgery to get to Vegas this year, ...
Crude, but kind of funny...
An oldie but goodie...
Always room for some quickies...
It was the mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she made him a full breakfast with a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring the coffee, he noticed a $5 bill sticking out from under the cup’s bottom edge. “All this is just too wonderful for words,” he said, “but what’s the money for?”
“Well,” she said, “last night I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you and he said, ‘Fuck him, give him a fiver.’”
The lady then said, “The breakfast was my idea.”
Trump's running mate, J.D. Vance, is equally looney, not admitting that Trump lost the last election...
Certainly, not all Trump supporters are racists, but there is no doubt that racist, white supremacists and anti
semites are all welcome under his tent...
Do you really think he will do anything to provide tax relief to the middle class?...
If he wins, I truly believe the US will never be the same again...
How true it is!...
Why did the baker's wife leave him?
He was too kneady.
on a roll (so to speak)...
A naked man ran out into the freezing cold, covered only with live chickens. He was smart;
he dressed in layers.
ouch!!!...
I approached Human Resources about a serious concern.
I was told, “Go to Hellen Fry.”
and one final one...
Why did Jesus stop playing hockey?
He kept getting nailed against the boards
The Packers, off of a tough win last week, have an easier game on the road against...
2 tourists are driving through Wales…
They stop for lunch in Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerchwndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.
As they sit down for lunch, one of the tourists asks the waitress:
“Can you settle an argument for us please? Can you pronounce the name of where we are, right now, very slowly?”
The waitress leans over the table and mouths very slowly:
“Burrrrgerrrr Kinnnng..”
And finally, one last one about sex...
And one from a guy who fought through back surgery to get back with the Vegas Boys for the Anniversary trip this year, ...
How about this for a thoughtful analysis of climate change?...
With Covid on the rise, consider ordering this mask to keep others away...
Southern Gent in Vegas
A real southern gentleman went to Las Vegas. Sitting in a cocktail lounge, he beckoned the waitress and said quietly, "Miss, y'all sure are a luvly, luvly lady. Can ah persuade y'all to give me a piece of ass?"
“Wow, that's the most direct proposition I've ever had!@ the girl.gasped
Then she looked around the room, smiled and said, "Sure, why not? You're an attractive guy too, and it's pretty slow here right now so why don't we just slip away up to your room?"
When they returned half an hour later, the man sat down at the same table and the waitress smiled at him and asked, "Will there be anything else?"
"Why yes, replied the southern gentleman. "Ah sure 'preciate what y'all just did for me. It was real sweet and right neighborly of y'all. But where ah come from in Albama, we lack our bourbon real cold, so ah still need a piece of ass for mah drink."
Good news on The Chairman's scans, all were normal. Still need a scan every 6 months due to the histology of the tumor, but won't worry about that until I have to worry about that. Next is Beautiful Bonnie, who had her scans Monday. Hope they are clean too.
This week is the BIG VEGAS UPDATE in honor of the 30th Anniversary Trip to Vegas. Starting in 1992, missing one year for Covid and the next year having an abbreviated trip to Portage (which actually was a lot of fun as well) it has been thirty straight years of a great group of guys getting together for days of laughing, drinking, cigar smoking, gambling and eating good food. A wonderful time that we all look forward to the entire year. And with health issues now creeping up on us all, we must take all occasions to enjoy the good things in life as the not so good things will hit us whether we want it or not. With guys flying in from Tennessee, Colorado, and Minnesota, we all cherish the great time we have on the annual Vegas Trip. And so, there will be a one week hiatus as The Chairman detoxifies from all the Vegas activities-next Update will be November 5, 2025.
Got good news as the Rabbi Scott and family will be joining us for Thanksgiving, making it a rare time when all my kids and grandkids will be able to celebrate a holiday together. What a great gift!
And three game winning streaks for the Badgers and Packers. Giving up my tickets to the Penn State game for Vegas, but will root them on watching in a casino sport bar.
And what else is going on this week? Let's take a look...
Senior citizen sex...
He has never released his taxes or his health records, as all other candidates have in the past...
He rails against Kamala Harris never appearing in one on one interviews...
Getting low on jokes, so here is another one from ...
His view on abortion is almost as sickening as his claim to be "Protector of Women" and now "Father
of IVF"...
What do you call 10 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hairline
and...
What kind of trousers does the psychic wear?
Just the paranormal pants
In what size?...
In size Medium, of course
One last one...
Have you ever noticed that Buddhist monks don’t eat chicken wings?
They’re always looking for an inner piece.
And one last bit of NFL News, consider for all of you seventy year olds to consider. Bill Belichick, never thought of as a sharp dressing, suave ladies man, apparently is. Take a look at his 24 year old girl friend, who has has been dating for 2 years, Jordan Hudson...
And if he loses, will he accept the results? If January 6 is an example, I don't think so...
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jokes@jokesfromshaf.com
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October 22, 2024
Update 1174
Next Update
November 5, 2024
(1 week off for VEGAS TRIP)
FILM SYMPHONY
ORCHESTRA UPDATE
Jokes From Shaf
So that's all for this week's BIG VEGAS UPDATE in preparation for the 30th Anniversary Vegas Trip.
Will take a week off to recover before I return with a FILM SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA UPDATE in 2 weeks.
Take care until then.
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