I guess he still can't accept...
And do any of the prominent Republicans try to bring the Party back into the mainstream? Certainly not Greg Abbott of Texas...
Bartenders always give good advice...
Oldie but goodie...
What do whiskey drinkers and catholic priests have in common?
They really want an 18 year old, but they'll settle for a 12.
And finally, one to tell the wife...well, maybe not...
And in a masterful PR move, Bezos put 90 year old William Shatner, aka Captain Kirk from Star Trek, on the crew. If you were a fan of the show, you might remember that every time the crew beamed down to a planet, the guys in the red shirts were killed...
And speaking of vaccinations, a new Loony Tunes Republican has come to the forefront. Rep. Ken
Weyer (NH), the Chair of the House Finance Committe, has said that the Covid vaccinations are
full of "living organisms with tentacles in it". He alleged that Covid was caused by plotters in
Vatican City, Washington and London, and the the CDC and FDA are not credible sources of information. Further, he stated that he did not need a Covid shot as he had gotten "flu shots for
25 years". Fucking nuts!!!!!...
And the Badgers return to Big Ten play against the team that just upset #2 Iowa...
In other National News, the fight over the abortion law in Texas continues its march to the
US Supreme Court...
A man walks into a church confessional
He says to the priest, "Bless me, father, for I have sinned. I was with seven different women last night."
The priest is silent for a moment and then says, "Go home, cut seven lemons in half. Squeeze the juice into a glass and drink it all down in one gulp."
"And I’ll be forgiven?" asks the man.
"No" replies the priest, "but it will wipe that smirk off your face."
One from a guy who was just in Bali, ...
and his plan for 2024 is to...
For those who don't support him, we have a different wish...
Trump is doubling down on the "Big Lie" telling Repulicans NOT to vote??!!#!???...
An 80-year-old farmer walks into a bar.
"Remember a few years back when my wife died?" he asks the bartender.
"Yes," the bartender says sadly.
"Well," the farmer continues, "now I am no longer a widower! Yesterday, I married a 21-year-old woman."
The bartender knows that a 21-year-old woman will not be very happy with an 80-year-old man, but he also doesn't want the farmer to lose his second wife, so he suggests to the farmer, "You know, if you want your farm to be more successful, maybe you should hire a 21-year-old farmhand."
"That I'll do!" says the farmer.
A few months later, the farmer comes back and says to the bartender, "I have some good news! I got my wife pregnant!"
"That's very nice," replies the bartender. "How's the farmhand doing?"
"I thought you'd never ask," answers the farmer. "I got her pregnant too!"
Big Al won't like this one...
because the thought of Trump back in the White House is terrifying. Maybe Frank Zappa was tuned in to more than music, years ago...
The sanctity of the confessional booth...
October 19, 2021
It is sad that people do not look at the facts, but just go with the media platform that goes along with their political point of view...
I am sure the guys out there can relate...
The "Big Lie" of election fraud is still being put out there with no evidence, but if you think that one is crazy, listen to a new one coming from a Trumper in Michigan...
A preacher rides into a town in the old west…
As he’s riding into town, his horse keeps stumbling around the street. The reins are finally grabbed by the Sheriff, who says, “This stallion okay?”
The preacher says, “Yes. We passed through a patch of peyote, and he ate some. But that aside, I come to tell you of God’s good word, to help you worthless, sinful heathens to-”
The Sheriff shakes his head, struggling to hold the animal still, and says “Now before you go preaching to us, why don’t you get off your high horse.”
And don't expect much from the group of Republicans running for office in the midterms...
Not too soon to think about that special Christmas gift...
Some sexy QUICKIES...
Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?
We child-proofed our home, but the kids still get in.
My wife complained that I never listen to her ... or something like that.
Get rid of pre-shredded cheese. Make America grate again.
Past, Present, and Future went into a bar. Things became tense.
I visited the Air & Space Museum. I couldn't see anything there.
I always use my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.
The ruler factory closed. They're not making yardsticks any longer.
Practice safe eating. Always use a condiment.
When you learn that a tornado is coming, put a couple of weiners in
your pocket so the search dogs can find you more easily.
Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
One thing that duct tape can't fix is stupid ... but it can muffle the sound.
Equally moronic is Marjorie Taylor Greene's contention we need to use Ivermectin to treat Covid, especially in light of the fact the Ivermectin won the Nobel Prize...
The whole anti-vax movement is so difficult to understand, in light of the fact that we were ALL required to get vaccination to go to school...which we did without protest...
So with all the News covered, on to Today's Jokes, with the lead off spot going to a guy who should know what the preacher is talking about after the weekend in Portage, I am talking about our pal ...
With all the anti-vax sentiment out there, fueled by Fox News and the GOP, it is amazing that we make any progress on Covid...
Random thoughts from ...
Congress kicked the budgetary issue down the line, as the Republicans did not want to fund the spending that they put in place when Trump was in office...
A teenage son comes to his father and with a smirk on his face says, “Dad, remember when I was younger, and you saw me kill a butterfly and you told me ‘No butter for a week.'”
“Yeah,” said the father.
“And remember when you saw me kill a honeybee later?” continued the son.
“Yes, no honey for a week for that” said the father with a smile.
“Well, I just saw mom kill a cockroach. Will you tell her or do you want me to break it to her?”
Two friends are camping in the mountains. They are relaxing, walking into the nature, breathing fresh air, chatting about anything they want. One of them needs to pee and he goes a little out of the main walking path. He is peeing into a bush when suddenly his penis is bitten by a snake He starts screaming and panicking :" A snake has bitten my penis! My penis! Damn, my fucking penis! "
The other guy asks his friend: "Did you see the snake? What was it like?" The bitten guy:" I do not know, it was so fast. Oh my penis! I think it was a poisonous one! Please call help!"
"Do not worry buddy, I got you! " and he calls the hospital
"This is the emergency number, how can I help you?"
"Hello. My friend was bitten by a snake few moments ago. I fear it was a poisonous one.What should I do? "
"Mister do not panic. You have to suck all the blood from the bitten part and spit away the poison."
"Ok, understood". And he closes the call.
The bitten guy still holding his penis watches his friend. "So? What she said?"
"She said you are going to die."
Subpoenas have been issued and have been ignored, especially by Trump buddy, Steve Bannon...
Or from his family?...
In Sports News, Brett Favre had to repay Mississippi nearly $1,000,000 which he accepted for speeches and appearances he never made...
How many Republicans do you need to screw in a lightbulb?
Ten.
One holds the bulb, the other nine wait for Fox News to spin it.
and that the vaccine was not just "cooked up in 10 months"...
or Florida's Ron DeSantis...
What about his loyal 35% supporters in the US?...
Not quite what I thought was meant...
Send your submissions to me via email at this below link-Email:
jokes@jokesfromshaf.com
and if you make the grade, you will see your joke, picture or video on Jokes From Shaf.
Submit often and you will get a nickname and a place in our Hall of Fame.
October 19, 2021
Update 1066
Next Update-
October 26, 2021
Charlie Berens Update
Another Catholic joke...
Well, that wraps up another Update of Jokes From Shaf.
Next week, a Charlie Berens Update, and if you are not familiar with him, he is a very funny comic from Wisconsin.
Take care until then.
Will he get the support from those around him to run again in 2024? From his wife?...
His old team, The Packers, try to keep on the winning track as they return home to face...
In Science News, Jeff Bezos sent his rocket, Blue Origin, back into orbit...
Jokes From Shaf
And the Republicans are trying to thwart the investigation of the January 6 insurrection as well...
Finally got my other poker game going again. With Covid, has been so tough to get people to play, but hopefully we are back on track. Fun night with Sniper, Preacher, MarkRhitis, ChipMan, Mick The Irishman, TMJay, and the Phillips Screwdriver, even more so because I won. Let's hope we can get back on track and keep it going.
Good victory for the Pack in Chicago, always a tough game regardless of the record. And my Badgers, I really don't know if they have it. Mertz can not throw the ball downfield with any accuracy even if he has time. With the way Purdue can put up points, I think they are in for a long day. If they can win, they are set up to determine their own future. Unfortunately, I think that future is a trip to the Potato Bowl in Idaho at best.
And congrats to The Preacher on his 3rd grandchild. All are healthy and to top it off, all live in Milwaukee with the lucky grandparents. I am jealous.
And lastly, for those of you thinking of selling a car, have to give a big thumbs up to Carvana.
The gave me top dollar for my Porsche, did not quibble over any scratches or interior blemishes and did exactly what they said they would do. Interestingly, I watched the car hit the market and what I was told, that they aim to make $5,000 per car, was exactly how it was priced. It sold in less than a week. I do not know if the business model is sustainable, but it was
a good deal for me.
And what else is going on this week? Let's see...
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