President Biden went to the G-7 meeting to try and turn around the world's perception of
American leadership...
And lastly, a couple of "Good Guys" to let you know there are some amazing people out there...
Wonder what Texas Senator Ted Cruz will do to fix the problem, or will he go for another vacation, this time to escape the heat...
And with Covid deaths decreasing due to the vaccines, there are still many who refuse to get vaccinated, putting us all in peril...
Hope all of you had a great Father's Day last weekend. Mine was super as the St. Louis clan came up for the weekend and then left the kids, who are here until Friday. Lots of fun-Swan boats at the Lake, and plans to hit Bookworm Gardens and the waterpark west of the city.
And what about those Bucks!!! Winning a game 7 on the road is no easy feat. And no one who watched it can deny that Kevin Durant was the greatest player out there. If you listened to him after the game, there was no whining, only praise for his opponent and wishing them success as they go on. Contrast this to Harden and you see what a class act Durant is. There is no team in the NBA who would not want him. As for the Bucks, if their shooting from 3 picks up, they can go all the way. I am puzzled as to why they don't play Bobby Portis. He can shoot and gives them a spark off the bench. His defense is weaker, but he is a valuable piece they need, as they need Forbes as well. Should make for interesting watching the next few weeks.
And in 2 weeks will take a trip to Cabo to get away from our state for the first time in almost 2 years. Will certainly be hot, but will enjoy the ocean, the good food, the great resort and just getting away. Can't wait.
Will have to wait 2 weeks for the next Update of Jokes as spending a weekend in St. Louis after the kids are here this week. Will need the week after to catch up on Jokes, News and
all that, but keep sending the good stuff my way.
But until then, still have Jokes to get out, and we start off by looking at this week's News...
Of well, you always have ANTIFA to use as your bogeyman...
An 85 year old man wanted to spice up his marriage
He went to a lingerie shop to get a sexy lingerie for his 80 year old wife. He got an expensive one and went home.
Later that night he gave it to his wife and told her to put it on. She went to the bathroom to put it on and found out that it was too small for her. She thought “He does not have a great eyesight. I will go naked and he would not even know”. So she entered the bedroom naked.
Her husband looked at her, squinting his eyes and muttered, “Well, for the price I paid, they should have atleast ironed it”.
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
In National News, the Texas power grid which failed during the winter cold snap is once again in trouble as the summer heat is here...
A TV reporter got lost on the back roads and stopped at a farm to get directions. As he was talking to the farmer he noticed a pig with a wooden leg…
“This could be a great story for the Six O’Clock News. How did that pig lose his leg?” he asked the farmer.
“Well”, said the farmer, “that’s a very special pig. One night not too long ago we had a fire start in the barn, and that pig squealed so loud and long that he woke everyone, and by the time we got there he had herded all the other animals out of the barn. Saved them all. ”
“And that was when he hurt his leg?” asked the journalist anxious for a story.
“Nope, he pulled through that just fine.” said the farmer. “Though a while later, I was back in the woods when a bear attacked me. Well, sir, that pig was nearby and he came running and rammed that bear from behind and then chased him off. He saved me for sure. ”
“Wow! So the bear injured his leg then?” questioned the reporter.
“No. He came away without a scratch. Though a few days later, my tractor turned over in a ditch and I was knocked unconscious. Well, that pig dove into the ditch and pulled me out before I got cut up in the machinery.”
“Ahh! So his leg got caught under the tactor?” asked the journalist.
“Noooo. We both walked away from that one.” says the farmer.
“So how did he get the wooden leg?” asked the journalist.
“Well”, the farmer replied, “A pig that special shouldn’t be eaten all at once”!
What I believe is that she is NUTS, a Trump sycophant and a racist as this film from her girl scout days shows...
The GOP continues to claim that election security is a big issue. The want more poll watchers and
IDs at the polling places...
That's all for this week's Jokes Update.
Next week a PREGNANCY UPDATE IN TWO WEEKS.
Have a great week until then.
with a funny one...
June 22, 2021
A man got hired as a freight train conductor. He wasn't very good and was responsible for significant losses of cargo, but he kept covering it up.
At one point he murdered another man who knew what was happening, and soon he started killing more threats to his position as conductor.
But a few years passed, and the conductor's murder record was discovered. Given the severity of his crimes, he was sentenced to death by electric chair.
When the execution day came, he got strapped to the chair and the executioner turned it on - but the conductor didn't even notice it. The executioner kept turning the voltage up, but the criminal was not feeling a thing.
Finally the executioner asked: "What's going on?"
The murderer replied: "Why are you surprised? Everyone knows I'm a bad conductor!"
Oldie but goodie...
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this.
It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!!
They put in a correction the next day.
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Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Really? You think?
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Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
---------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
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Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's! They must be UNION!
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Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
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War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
----------------------------------------------------------------
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
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Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
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London Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
----------------------------------------------------------
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
-----------------------------------------------
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
---------------- ---------------------------------
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
****************************************
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
*******************************************
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?
One for our Canadian hockey fan, The Preacher...
The joys of married life, from some one who knows, ...
Ain't this the truth...
Brad The College Grad will like this one...
Sex is kinda like hide n seek
I close my eyes, count to 10 and yell ready or not here I come!
and...
Why is eating a woman out like being in the mafia?
One slip of the tongue and you’re in the shit.
and one more...
What do you call a french man wearing sandals?
Phillipe Phillope.
There were revelations that Trump had used the Justice Department to look at personal phone records of those he thought were against him. When asked about this, former Attorney General,
Bill Barr, said...
But she fits in well with the rest of the Trump base. You don't have to be a racist to love Trump, but it certainly does not disqualify you if you are...
If Fox News was around years ago, our history would have been reported as this...
A novel use for a common drug...
Also funny, but silly...
Marjorie Taylor Green now says that she is sure that Covid came from a Chinese lab because...
I was having dinner at my boss's house.
His wife said "How many potatoes would you like?"
I said "Just one please."
She said "Oh come on, don't be so polite!"
I said "Ok. Just one, you ugly cow."
And how does Republican Governor Abbott react to this crisis? By saying he will continue building the wall with Mexico, make it harder to vote and work on limiting abortions...
Speaking of sexual failures...
In World News, Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu was replaced after many years in office. In a page from the Trump playbook, he said...
And there is Fox News to rile up people with misinformation...
Another Republican Governor who is out in left field is Florida's Ron DeSantis, who had another brilliant idea this week...
but on the other hand...
Send your submissions to me via email at this below link-Email:
jokes@jokesfromshaf.com
and if you make the grade, you will see your joke, picture or video on Jokes From Shaf.
Submit often and you will get a nickname and a place in our Hall of Fame.
June 22, 2021
Update 1051
Next Update-
July 5, 2021
Pregnancy Update
A nonkosher joke...
ProPublica leaked the tax records of the 25 wealthiest Americans, and to no great surprise, most payed little or no federal taxes. Was there indignation from Congress over the unfairness of what came to light? No, they were indignant over something else...
Some funny quickies...
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.
"So what do you do?" the bartender chats him up.
"Well I used to work in food service, but I just got a new job in IT," the guy says.
"How was it changing careers?" the bartender asks.
"Well, you know, a job is a job. I guess the biggest difference is that the phase 'My server went down on me,' is no longer a good thing," the guy replies.
Now that is quite a fellow!
And to start off Today's Jokes, here is one from another great guy who is one of the few Vegas Boys
still working, dealing with some unusual headlines...
Kind of seems that national priorities are out of whack...
A couple of QUICKIES to start the Jokes Page...
A real groaner...
True Golf Buddy
A guy brings his best golf buddy home, unannounced,
for dinner at 6:30 PM after enjoying a day of golf.
His wife screams her head off while his friend sits at
the kitchen table, open mouthed, listening to the tirade.
"My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a
fucking mess and the dishes are still in the sink.
I'm completely exhausted! I didn't get enough sleep last night.
Can't you see I'm still in my fuckingg pajamas? I can't be
bothered with cooking tonight!
Why the fuck did you bring him home without
letting me know ahead of time, you stupid asshole?"
"Because he's thinking of getting married!"
This made me laugh...
With people now getting back to normal, it won't be long before we head back to the movie theaters. One theater had a clever idea to tell moviegoers if they needed to stay through the credits to see a final scene...
There was once a great actor, who had a problem. He could no longer remember his lines. Finally after many years he finds a theater where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.
The director says, “This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You must walk onto the stage carrying a rose, you must hold the rose with just one finger and your thumb to your nose, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line: ‘Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'”
The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he’s practicing his line, over and over again. Finally the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion, he delivered the line: “Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.”
The theater erupted, the audience screamed with laughter and the director was steaming! “You bloody fool!” he cried, “You have ruined me!”
The actor, quite bewildered, asked, “What happened, did I forget my line?” he asked.
“No!” the director screamed, “You forgot the bloody rose!”
Being the intellect she is, she also does not believe in evolution...
Jokes From Shaf
He also had meetings with Russian President Putin. For a guy who was only supposed to be in office for 1 term, he has met quite a few US Presidents as the Russian leader...
Teacher asks her students to name medicines they know and state their uses.
Little Susan stands and says, "PANADOL"
Teacher: Used for?
Susan: I think headache
Teacher: Good
Musa: PIRITON
Teacher: used for?
Musa: Helps in sleeping..
Teacher: Excellent!!
Little Johnny (stands confidently): VIAGRA
Teacher (nearly falls off her chair, shocked): What for???
Johny: I think Diarrhea
Teacher: Who told you that?
Johnny: Every night my mom tells Dad, "Take two VIAGRA Pills and maybe that little shit will get hard tonight!
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