And despite it all, 30% of the US still will rabidly attend his rallies...
This prompted the confrontation of Tucker Carlson and a customer in the fishing store, Dan Bailey, who berates Carlson calling him "the worst human being on earth" for his racism and anti-vax postition which caused many people to lose their lives (turn up your volume on this video)...
and do not trust the medical community until they get sick and require emergency medical care...
Aaron Rodgers returned to the Packers, so they will probably be taking his jersey off the
clearance rack...
Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the Pearly Gates of Heaven, with St. Peter and the Devil standing nearby.
“Gentlemen,” the Devil started, “Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don’t know or cannot answer, then you’re worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you’ll come with me to Hell.”
The philosopher then stepped up, “OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates’ teachings.” With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. “Then, go to Hell!” With another snap of his finger, the philosopher disappeared.
The mathematician then asked,”Give me the most complicated formula ever theorized!” With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct. “Then, go to Hell!” With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared too.
The idiot then stepped forward and said, “Bring me a chair!” The Devil brought forward a chair. “Drill 7 holes on the seat.” The Devil did just that. The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, “Which hole did my fart come out from?” The Devil inspected the seat and said, “The third hole from the right.”
“Wrong,” said the idiot, “from my butt hole.” And the idiot went to Heaven.
Always important to listen to your spouse on a walk...
And on the other end of the spectrum...
They think that only Trump (who is vaccinated) is right and anything Biden does is wrong...
A little boy runs up to his father with a question.
"Daddy, daddy!" says the boy, excitedly. "Did you get shot in the army?"
The father looks away and grimaces. The pain is etched clearly on this face. He gets a faraway look in his eye, and a tear rolls down his face, as he says, "No, son..."
"...but I did get shot in the leggy."
Pays to be the idiot some times...
The Sniper won't get this one, he never watched it...
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock, brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, “I don’t think you understand, I want something very special.”
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. “Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000,” the jeweler said.
The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, “We’ll take it.”
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by check.
“I know you need to make sure the check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds. I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,” he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. “There’s no money in that account.”
“I know”, said the old man, “but can you imagine the weekend I had?”
August 2, 2021
A man is speeding to get to work on time. Once he gets to the bridge he passes every day he sees a cop who has his speed radar gun aimed right at him. Fuck. The cop quickly turns his siren on and pulls the man over.
Cop: "Is there a reason you were speeding today, sir?"
Man: "Yes officer, it is very important that I am not late for work today..".
Cop: "What is it that you do that is so important?". Man: "I am a rectum stretcher.". Cop, a little interested in what the man just told him: "What in the Hell does a rectum stretcher do!?"
Man: "Well I start with just one finger then stretch until I can fit a few more. Then, I continue stretching it until a can get my whole hand in there and then I keep going so it is a foot tall, then 2 feet and so on until I finally get it to about 6 feet tall."
Cop, now completely baffled by the man: "What the fuck would you do with a six foot tall asshole!?"
Man: "I would give him a radar gun and stick him at the end of a bridge so he can make people even more late for work."
A real groaner...
One for DicDoc...
And one last Sports note, Ted Cruz spoke out against the name change of the Cleveland Indians to the Cleveland Guardians, saying that they were caving into pressure to "fit in" with the culture of the day. A bit interesting when you find out that...
The excitement of the Buck's NBA win has died down, but I give you a great video from TNT announcer,
Charles Barkley, who said from the start, that the Bucks would win the title. This is funny...
Jokes From Shaf
50 Shades of Grey for Seniors
Back and forth. . . in and out. . . in and out . . . a little to the right. . a little to the left . . . she could feel the sweat on her forehead . . . between her breasts. . and, trickling down the small of her back. . . she was getting near to the end.
He was in ecstasy. . with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved. . . forwards then backwards. . forward then backward. again. . . and again. . . her heart was pounding now. . . her face was flushed . . . she moaned softly at first, then began to groan louder . . finally . . . totally exhausted . she let out a piercing scream . . . . "OK, OK, you smug bastard, I can't parallel park. You do it!"
Maybe we need to try some other incentives to get them to see the light...
The biggest news is the resurgence of the Covid virus. The Delta variant is now sweeping the globe and the unvaccinated are a reservoir for the virus to infect. And despite all the urging to get vaccinated, for you, your family, your community, they are not doing it...
And finally, maybe another name might have been better for this product...
They ignore all public health measures...
In Business News, Jeff Bezos is looking for new challenges after his successful space launch...
QUICKIES relating to that significant other in your life...
I went to the doctors with hearing problems. He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said "Homer's a fat guy and Marge has blue hair"
Speaking of asking for sexy things...
Send your submissions to me via email at this below link-Email:
jokes@jokesfromshaf.com
and if you make the grade, you will see your joke, picture or video on Jokes From Shaf.
Submit often and you will get a nickname and a place in our Hall of Fame.
August 2, 2021
Update 1055
Next Update-
August 9, 2021
Can't Keep From
Laughing Update
Fucking hypocrite!!!
After that I think we could all use a joke, so let's get them going with a joke from the guy
who came to the aid of Billy Bong when he broke his clavicle, the plastic surgeon who did not forget his general surgery background, ...
Don't think he will get out of the ticket with this story...
One from the grey haired ...
Show you care...
A Harvard Law graduate starts first day on the job
The president of the firm says, “If you marry my daughter, I’ll make you a partner, give you an unlimited expense account, a new Mercedes, and a million dollar annual salary, in addition to your fees from the cases you take on.”
The guy says, “I don’t get it. Is something wrong with her?" The president shows him a picture, and she's hideous. The guy’s never seen anything like her.
The president says, "I know, she's tough to look at. I could never tell her to her face, though. Also, it’s only fair to let you know she’s as dumb as a stump."
The guy says, “Well, I don't care what you offer me, it ain't worth it.”
The president says, “I’ll give you a five million dollar salary, a new Mercedes every two years, and I’ll build you a mansion on Long Island.” The guy accepts, figuring he can put a bag over her head when they have sex.
About a year later, the guy buys an original Van Gogh and he’s about to hang it on the wall. He climbs the ladder and yells to his wife, “Bring me a hammer.”
She mumbles, “Get the hammer. Get the hammer,” and she brings it to him.
The guy says, “Get me some nails.”
She mumbles, “Get the nails. Get the nails,” and she brings them to him.
The guy starts hammering a nail into the wall, he hits his thumb, and he yells, “Fuck!”
She mumbles, “Get the bag. Get the bag.”
That's all for this week's edition of Jokes From Shaf.
Back next week with a CAN'T KEEP FROM LAUGHING UPDATE.
Have a great week until then and stay away from the Covid.
Going to a bar
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large woman came in, talking in an interesting accent.
So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?”
One of them snarled at me, “it’s Wales, dumbo!”
So I corrected myself, “oh right, so are you two whales from Ireland?”
That’s about as far as I remember.
all the while championing their love for the police and Christian values...
They complain that Biden is turning us into a socialist country, all the while getting more from the federal government than they pay in as taxes...
The Olympics continue, but with all our guns in America, it is amazing that...
Sympathies to The Cap'n on the loss of his mother this week. It was always amazing to see her in the crowd, listening to The Cap'n play rock music at a venue like Summerfest even when she was 90 years old. The Covid time was cruel to her, but I know The Cap'n has many memories of her in better times to sustain him. We are sorry for his loss.
Has been great to have Dr. J and family in town for this week. In a few days they will go to Chicago and we will have the girls to ourselves until the weekend. It is sad that the times we
get to see them are so short and they are so far away, but we will enjoy the time we have together.
Billy Bong is recovering from a fractured clavicle on a biking accident, it was a good thing that The Sultan of Silicone was there to provide medical help. Recovery seems to be going well and he should be swinging his nine iron soon.
And hope for continued healing for Brad the College Grad's wife, Kathy, as she recovers from some serious surgery of the past week.
And what else is going on? Let's check out the News...
It is the same pattern to deal with the facts, lie, obfuscate, scare tactics, all being done by
Trump's loyal crowd of ass kissers...
What can we do to get this third of the US to get vaccinated and help protect us all? Educating about the safety of the vaccine has not worked...
A reporter went to a small village…
And asked one of the villagers, “hey could you tell me a story about your village?”
The villager says “well one time a neighbors goat got lost in the mountains, and we all got together to look for it, and then we found it.
We all celebrated and drank and then we all had sex with the goat”.
The reporter looks astonished and says “My friend I can’t make a report on a story like that, why don’t you tell me a happy story”
The villager says “Oh ok, well one time the wife of a neighbor got lost, we all got together to look for her and we found her. Then we all celebrated and drank and then everyone had sex with her.
The reporter then says, "My god, well then tell me a sad story!”
The villager, saddened, looks to the ground and replies, “Well one time I got lost.”
For over a year, their media outlet, Fox News, has shunned the vaccine, only now changing their
tune on some programs...
Yeah, sure Santa...
Can't publish Jokes without one from ...
There is no arguing the facts with these people, and because of them we wish the development of a resistant strain that overcomes our vaccines and puts up back to January 2020...
Be careful when you drink...
And in the category of "funny, but not really", is the accusation by NY Representative Elise Stefanik,
that Nancy Pelosi is to blame for the Jan. 6 riot...
This year my wife was struggling for ideas on what to get me for my birthday.
I said that for my birthday, I would like a threesome. I've never had one before, and I would feel like less of a creep if she organized it.
She was surprisingly on-board. She said that she had a friend from college who would probably be up for it.
But I think I ruined the night when I asked her who she had in mind for the third person.
Forth annual Tennessee spelling b
Down to the last 3 contestants.... The last word is before;
Judge; contestant #1 the word is before
C1: Before b e f o u r befour
Judge: I'm sorry but that is incorrect! Contestant #2, the word is before
C2: before b e f o r. Before.
Judge: I'm sorry but that is incorrect! Contestant #3, same word, before.
C3: before b e f o r e BEFORE JUDGE: That is correct! Now can you use it in a sentence?
C3: yes, 2 + 2 before
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