A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church, by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.
So, the new monk goes to the Old Abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original
manuscripts are held as archives, in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the Old Abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.
"We missed the R! We missed the R!
We missed the bloody R!"
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.
The young monk asks the old Abbot, "What's wrong, father?"
With a choking voice, the old Abbot replies,
"The word was ....CELEB-R-ATE!"
Bubba died in a fire last night. His body was burned so badly that he couldn't be identified by most of his family.
That is, until his best friends Jim and Cletus were called. Jim and Cletus knew Bubba all his life, and they were certain they could identify Bubba for the coroner.
When they saw the body, Cletus said "I don't know if that's Bubba, but there's one way we can know for sure. Flip him over and let's take a look at his asshole."
Puzzled, the coroner agrees and helps them flip him over.
Jim proceeds to spread Bubba's crispy cheeks, takes a long look and says "nope, this ain't Bubba"
The coroner asks "how can you know that just from looking at his asshole?"
Cletus responds "well, you see, Bubba had two assholes"
"Two assholes?" Asks the coroner.
"Yeah, every time we was with Bubba, people always used to say 'here comes Bubba and them two assholes"
Sadly, we are a totally divided country, as you can see by what people feel strong enough to protest...
So that wraps up another Update of Jokes From Shaf.
Next week, a tribute to a recently deceased comedy legend on a
NORM MACDONALD UPDATE.
Will be having fun with the Vegas Boys in Western Wisconsin this week. It
will not be Vegas, but it will be fun.
Take care of yourself and stay safe.
A lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were camping in a backwoods section of Maine.
Early one morning, the two went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast.
As they went around the berry patch, gathering blueberries and raspberries in tremendous
quantities, along came two huge bears - a male and a female.
The lawyer, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed for cover. His friend, though,
wasn't so lucky, and the male bear reached him and swallowed him whole.
The lawyer ran back to his Mercedes, tore into town as fast as he could, and got the local backwoods sheriff.
The sheriff grabbed his shotgun and dashed back to the berry patch with the lawyer.
Sure enough, the two bears were still there.
"He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, pointing to the male, while visions of lawsuits from his friend's family danced in his head
He just had to save his friend. The sheriff looked at the bears, and without batting an eye, leveled his gun, took careful aim and shot the female.
"What did you do that for?!" exclaimed the lawyer, "I said he was in the other!" "Exactly," replied the sheriff.
"Would YOU believe a lawyer who told you the Czech was in the male?"
September 21, 2021
And finally, this one is really funny...
Other noteworthy dresses were Jennifer Lopez...
A young woman on a flight from Mexico asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course, what may I do for you?" the priest replied.
"Well, I bought an expensive hair dryer for my mother's birthday. It's unopened and over my customs limits. I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through for me? Under your robes, perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie," said the devout man.
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they reached the customs area, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous instrument designed for a woman's use, but which is, to date, unused."
The official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next."
How did he know???...
and the Packers have a tough one on the road at...
and his prospects for victory took a dive when Donald Trump came out to campaign for him. As expected, in a heavily Democratic state, Gavin Newsom won handily, even though Elder claimed election fraud before ballots were even cast...
No wonder I never could get my wife to cut the grass...
Know the difference...
Lawyer joke from ...
And worst of all, Texas governor, Greg Abbott...
Oldie but goodie...
Zoe Kravitz...
Taliban jokes are starting...
Important information for those of us who live in The Dairy State...
Technology humor...
He was busy showing his patriotism announcing an Evander Holyfield fight in at the Hard Rock in Florida...
and they would rather use snake venom, horse dewormer, bleach and now...
A farmer went out to the field and found one his cows had gone cross-eyed
Long
The cow could hardly walk and kept bumping into things. Fearing it might hurt itself, he called his vet to come have a look at the cow. The vet took one look at the cow and told the farmer "I've seen this before. You stand up there in front and watch her eyes." The vet took out a section of hose, pushed it up into the cow's behind and blew just a little puff of air in. The cow's eyes went very wide and straitened right out. The vet charged the $150 and went on his way.
A few months later the same cow had the same problem and the farmer thought "I'm not paying another $150. I can fix this myself." He grabbed a farm hand, a section of garden hose, and they headed out to the field. When they got there he instructed the farm had to stand up in front of that cow and watch her eyes. The farmer inserted the section of hose and blew a little, but the cow's eyes didn't move. He blew and a bit harder, but nothing. He blew until he was about to pass out with no results. The farm hand suggested they switch places. The farmer went up front and when the farm hand got to the back he pulled the hose out and flipped it around. The farmer said "boy, what the hell after you doin?" The farm hand said "well you didn't think I was about to put my mouth where you just had yours, did ya?"
I can not tell a lie...
His desire to strike down abortion is dangerous and needs to be fought. As Beautiful Bonnie has always said, if men got pregnant, you would see a whole different attitude to abortion...
Lastly, in Fashion News, the Met Gala benefit for the Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute always brings out the most interesting fashion, and this year Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez stole the show with her political gown...
How about Florida's Ron DeSantis...
They are "informed" of the evils of the vaccine by Fox News, where they are required to get the shot as a condition of employment...
Between his fake patriotism and his sham Christianity, he is only out to advance himself...
What a fucking waste of taxpayer dollars!!...
With Biden pushing vaccinations, voting rights and infrastructure spending, Republican governors are going off the rails, starting with Nebraska governor, Pete Ricketts...
The NILE Virus, type C
We are still battling the COVID-19 and the next thing is here already. Virologists have identified a new Nile virus - type C. It appears to target those who were born between 1930 & 1970.
Symptoms: Causes you
1. To send the same message twice.
2. To send a blank message.
3. To send a message to the wrong person.
4. To send it back to the person who sent it to you.
5. To forget to attach the attachment.
6. To hit SEND before you've finished.
7. To hit DELETE instead of SEND.
8. To SEND when you should DELETE.
It is called the C-NILE virus!
And if you cannot admit to doing the above, you have obviously caught the mutated strain — the D-NILE virus.
Funny "Dear Abby" letters from ...
Maybe this might prove to be an appeal to them that they could not resist...
Kendall Jenner...
Having a son and family living in California, I was interested in the California Gubernatorial recall election last week. The Republicans put up a real goofball candidate, Larry Elder...
Now Biden has given employers the right to require vaccinations, and The Chairman is all for it. Let's require vaccinations to go to a sporting event, to get on a plane, to go to a concert or movie. Let's charge the unvaccinated a premium on their health insurance as we do for smokers. If they choose to disregard the help to avoid the disease, let them deal with it outside the medical system. I have had it with those who want "choice", without giving women the same ability to choose when they are pregnant...
Last week was the anniversary of the 9/11 attack, and all the past Presidents paid tribute to the fallen...except one...
Don't think she is wearing that to her cousin's Bar Mitzvah.
So with all the News covered, on to Today's Jokes, with the lead off spot explaining a problem that the Catholic Church has had for thousands of years. Leave it to
to show us the real story...
The latest lunatic claim championed on Fox News is the claim by pop star, Nicki Minaj, who claimed the vaccine caused...
Unfortunately, these are the people we are dealing with...
In football, the Badgers get back to Big Ten play against DicDoc's alma mater...
Some very punny QUICKIES...
And the rest of the Republican Party has followed his crazy ideas...
New health worry, from ...
A man finds a genie in a bottle
He rubs it. A genie pops out "you have two wishes"
The guy says "hold up, aren't I supposed to get three wishes?"
the genie replies "Check your pants"
The guy looks down his pants, and slightly surprised, says "how did you know?"
Genie says "I've been doin this a while."
Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together, and I’ve never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence I see on my VCR?
Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It’s getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don’t know him well enough to discuss money issues with him.
Dear Abby,
I’ve suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own family like this?!
Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I’ve seen it. Now how do I get out?
Dear Abby,
My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.
Dear Abby,
I have a man I can’t trust. He cheats so much and it’s gotten so bad, I’m not even sure the baby I’m carrying is his.
Remember, these people stand in line with you to cast their votes…
But none of them hold a candle to the outfit that Megan Fox wore at the VMA Awards show this year...
Another example of misinformation, not from The New England Journal of Medicine, but from...
The irrational fear of the vaccine in the face of the known danger of Covid baffles those of us who are vaccinated...
Another tough week for the readers of Jokes. Mista Tobey's muchatunim, Kevin Cox passed away in his early 60's after only being diagnosed with lung cancer a month ago. Very sad and it will be tough on Mista Tobey's son in law, Gregor. And NonSmokin Sam lost his wife last week as well. Marsha had battled liver disease for many years. She never let the diagnosis stop her, traveling all over and doing wild things like jumping out of airplanes. She was a "doer", never a watcher, and to get this terrible diagnosis through no fault of her own, was so unfair. Wish
NonSmokin Sam the strength to get through this tough time. And I have to say, I have had it with leading of Jokes with obits for friends.
Glad to hear the The Czar of The Cigar's wife came through her recent surgery without a hitch.
Hopefully, a full and complete recovery and then off to Florida for the winter.
On a better note, looking forward to some of the Vegas Boys heading off to our rental house nearThe Dells in Portage. What is in Portage? Not a hell of a lot, except a big place to crash,
play poker, have adult beverages and premium cigars and laugh. Probably will rent a boat, maybe a trip to Ho-Chunk to gamble a bit and take in the local dining establishments. All of us pretested for Covid so we know it will be safe. Let's hope we can get back to Vegas this spring and start a new string of 27 straight years.
And lastly, sold the Porsche this week. The money that Carvana is paying for used cars is crazy and too much to turn down. Actually, I got the 1 year old car in 2014, drove it for 7 years and I am selling it for $2000 less than I bought it for! If you are thinking of selling a car, now is the time.
And it is also time to look at the News of the week, so let's get to it...
As it turned out, it was not the vaccine, but the fact that he was fooling around and got an STD that was the cause...
In other news, the President and most of the vaccinated citizens of the US are getting tired of being held hostage by the unvaccinated...
and model, Iman...
Send your submissions to me via email at this below link-Email:
jokes@jokesfromshaf.com
and if you make the grade, you will see your joke, picture or video on Jokes From Shaf.
Submit often and you will get a nickname and a place in our Hall of Fame.
September 21, 2021
Update 1062
Next Update-
September 28, 2021
Norm MacDonald Update
Jokes From Shaf
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