One from my Traveling Buddy, ...
Great weekend as my best buddy, Platinum Tarks, came to town for a visit. He joined us for a poker game, an evening dinner with 5 couples that he has known for years and then took in a Badger game victory in the chill at Camp Randall. Even though he lives 6 hours away, Tarks has always been great in staying in touch. And he is such a great guy that everyone welcomes him back like the return of the prodigal son. Friends like that you are lucky to have once in a lifetime, and The Chairman is very thankful for his friendship. The only negative to the entire weekend was that his wonderful wife, Janet, did not accompany him to town. Maybe next time,
we certainly did miss her.
And after the squeaker that the Badgers won on Saturday, the Pack won by just a football length in the snow on Sunday. And they even covered the spread, making Chivalrous Ken unhappy.
And now The Chairman has some other things to look forward to in the next month. First, it will be Thanksgiving with MBArry (unfortunately the other boys will be with their in-laws),
and then in mid December, a two week winter vacation in Cabo at Grand Solmar. I guess I will
be able to tolerate the cold until then. And it will be a couple of weeks without your weekly dose of mirth and merriment with the last Update on December 10 until I get back with the Update on December 31. Try not to go into a depressive funk!
And what else is going on this past week? Let's check it out...
I just found out cock fighting is done with chickens.
Months of training wasted.
President Trump announced that the military had killed ISIS head, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi. The operation occurred while Trump was golfing in Florida, but he released a mock up picture of himself seated with military leaders implying he was a part of the operation, just like Obama was when Osama was killed...
Man: "Doctor, I think I have ADHD: I can't remember where I parked my Ford!"
Doctor: "That's not how ADHD works..." Man: "But I keep losing my Focus!"
while the Packers return home to face...
This guy sure keeps the jokes coming in these days, ...
causing an irate Trump to release this story the next day...
November 12, 2019
Trump this week said that he was leaving New York to become a permanent resident of Florida
due to tax reasons. New York replied...
So that's it for another Update of Jokes From Shaf.
Will be back again in a week with a Tough Guys Update.
Have a great week until then.
Jack and Jill went up the hill
So Jack could taste Jill's candy.
Jack got a shock with a mouth full of cock
Because Jill's real name was Randy.
So with all the News covered, on to Today's Jokes, with the lead off spot going to someone who
would never do this...or would he? Our pal, ...
Nursery Rhymes we didn't have as kids.........
Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.
********************
MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.
********************
HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.
********************
HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
********************
GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
********************
There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.
This makes sense to me...
And lastly, the team we love to hate, Da Bears, have had their offense really sputter over the past few weeks...
His national support continues to decline, although there are some areas of the country that remain firmly pro-Trump...
The ladies were promoting an internet website called "ShagMag" and if you take a good look at Julia Rose...
This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley Davidson. One day he has finally saved up enough money so he goes down to the dealer. After he picks out the perfect bike, the dealer tells him about an old biker trick that will keep the chrome on his new bike free from rust. The dealer tells him that all he has to do is to keep a jar of Vaseline handy and put it on the chrome before it rains, and everything will be fine. He happily pays for the bike and leaves.
A few months later, the young man meets a woman and falls in love. She asks him to come home and meet her parents over dinner. He readily accepts and the date is set. At the appointed time, he picks her up on his Harley and they ride to her parents’ house. Before they go in, she tells him that they have a family tradition that whoever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes.
After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break the silence and get stuck doing the dishes. After a long 15 minutes, the young man decides to speed things up, so he reaches over and kisses his woman in front of her family. No one says a word.
Emboldened, he slips his hand under her blouse and fondles her breasts. Still no one says a word.
Finally, he throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of everyone. No one says a word.
Now he is getting desperate, so he grabs her mother and throws her on the table. Still no one speaks.
By now he is thinking what to do next when he hears thunder in the distance. His first thought is to protect the chrome on his Harley, so he gets his jacket, reaches in his pocket and pulls out his jar of Vaseline. The father says, “Okay, damnit, I’ll do the damn dishes!”
Sing this one like you did when you were a kid...
I wonder if The Sultan would make this diagnosis...
something that looks like the pot calling the kettle black ...
Point of information it pays to know...
So with the Pack off, a few more NFL bits of news. Josh Gordon, cut from the Browns and Pats for conduct and drug issues, was picked up by the Seahawks...
or Lauren Summer...
Cold weather
I just got off the phone with a friend living in northern North Dakota near the Canadian border. He said that this morning, the snow is nearly waist-high and the temperature is 30 below zero, with the north wind blowing near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare.
He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.
His children continue to accuse Biden's children of profiting off his term as Vice President...
In college football, The Badgers will try and continue their late season run against...
He will be selling some of his holdings there, although you can get a good deal for cash...
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra less. One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, we are very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family." And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
And speaking of the Patriots, they had built an undefeated record by playing against a slate of lousy teams, however when they finally faced a contender in the Ravens, this happened...
Trump's Republican cronies met to show support in the wake of new impeachment accusations in
a scene which resembled the biblical adoration of the Golden Calf...
And when it came to costumes this year, this one took the cake for the grossest...
An integral part of the raid was the participation of military dog, Conan. Trump invited Conan to The White House, but the dog passed...
The fallout from the World Series has died down. Trump's booing is in the past, but more interest is now focused on the two women who flashed America during the telecast...
A woman in a jewelers admiring a big diamond ring. As she leans down for a closer look a little fart slips out. Hoping nobody noticed she asks "how much is that one?"
The jeweler says "Madam, if you farted looking at it, you'll shit yourself when I tell you the price"
It may be worth a look.
Halloween is over, and hopefully you were able to enjoy the holiday and pick the right pumpkin...
The comparisons of Obama vs. Trump in killing a terrorist leader have put Trump in a negative light, something he can not stand. So he lashes out again against Obama, charging him with wiretapping him when he was running for office. Obama replied...
And speaking of sexy...
while the Packers have a BYE week to rest up for the second half of the season...
Some QUICKIES about sex ...
A couple of funny quickies...
and carved it in the tasteful fashion...
Some words of advice...
mostly due to the lackluster play of QB Mitch Trubisky, the supposed savior of the franchise that they traded up to get passing over the chance to pick NFL MVP Patrick Mahomes...
Tough medical problem...
The idiocy reminded Obama of the last time he talked with Trump before he left office...
And finally, an oldie but goodie...
I guess Chicago is a tough town...
Jokes From Shaf
And who were these buxom babes? They were Julia Rose and Lauren Summer...
Send your submissions to me via email at this below link
Email:
jokes@jokesfromshaf.com
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What did the Japanese janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
SUPPLIES!!!
and...
What is the difference between a Circus and a Whore House?
One has an array of cunning stunts...
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