And his disrespect of veterans at Arlington Cemetery, where he gave a "thumbs up" at the grave of a soldier killed in the Afghan withdrawal...
An atheist was seated next to a dusty old cowboy on an airplane and he turned to him and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”
The old cowboy, who had just started to read his book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said the atheist. “How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?” as he smiled smugly.
“Okay,” he said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”
The atheist, visibly surprised by the old cowboy's intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”To which the cowboy replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven, and Hell, or life after death when you don’t know crap?”
In Sports News, the NFL season kicked off with an amazing game featuring KC vs Baltimore. Mahomes is truly an amazing QB, and if you look at his stats, he even outshined Tom Brady in the first 7 seasons...
This so infuriated John McCain's son, an active duty soldier, that he dropped out from the GOP and is voting for Harris...
Tim Walz seems to be one of the focal points of J.D. Vance, as he tries to catch him saying things that may not be correct...
I sure feel this way about lots of people...
The Stork Family
The stork family came home after a busy day and when they sat down to dinner Mama Stork said, “Father Stork, what did you do today?”
Father Stork said, "I was out making couples very happy. What did you do today, Mama Stork?”
Mama Stork said, "I also was out making couples very happy. What did you do today, Baby Stork?"
Baby Stork said, "I was out scaring the crap out of college students."
After a couple of lightweight foes, Badgers face a tough test as the Crimson Tide roles into Camp Randall this weekend...
How about Elon Musk to run the Efficiency Commission?...
A doctor joke that I bet you laugh at despite yourself...
So with all the News covered, on to this week's Jokes, with the lead off spot going to my best source for Jokes each and every week, ...
September 10, 2024
On Monday morning, a teacher asks his 2nd graders what they did over the weekend:
Timmy goes first: “I went to the movies with my mommy and daddy”.
“Great!” The teacher replies “but I want you to use big kid words. Next time, say you went to the movies with mom and dad”
Next up is Rose “I rode the choo choo with my family”
“Sounds fun!” The teacher replies “but again, we use big kid words. You rode the train with your family”
Then it’s Little Johnny’s turn to talk about his weekend, he thinks for a second, then says “this weekend I watched Winnie the Shit with my brother”
Praising men for allowing their wives to go out anywhere alone...
Went to the doctor yesterday and he asked me if obesity runs in my family?
I told him no one runs in my family.
Ouch, that hurt!...
He is flip-flopping all over the place on abortion, taking credit for eliminating it, not willing to say if he will vote for a 6 week limit, vacillating on if he will support a national ban or ban contraceptives...
He just continues to lie to all his followers and get help from his buddies in Russia to sway votes...
And while we are on the subject of The Sultan of Silicone's old work...
And some other funny stuff as our attention goes to the NFL...
Like what? There was his rant on the price of bacon going up due to wind energy...
As a guy was getting a rectal exam.
He said to the doctor, "Jeez, the least you could do was take off your ring!"
The doctor replied, "That's my watch."
Jokes From Shaf
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September 10, 2024
Update 1168
Next Update
September 17, 2024
RELIGION UPDATE
A quickie from ...
The Cap'n will like this one...
Meanwhile, J.D. Vance continues his rants on family values...
Little Johnny always gets it right...
There are some jobs that are not for a man...
Man : How much for a blowjob?
Sex worker : Ummm $20
Man : Ohhh Damn, it was $80 for my friend. I guess I am your favourite.
Sex worker : Cut it out, I charge $10 per inch.
Trump stated that the government will pay for everyone's IVF treatments. Kind of reminds you of another idea that he thought someone else would pay for...
A sweet little old lady walked into a bar frequented by the baddest biker gang around. She went up to the leader, a real mountain of a man, and said she wanted to join. He could barely contain his laughter and decided to have some fun with her before he told her off.
"Do you even own a bike?" he asked.
"I do. It's parked right outside."
"Do you swear?"
"More than a fucking sailor,”she said.
"Do you drink?"
"Like a fish."
The leader was impressed and asked one more question.
"Well, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The old lady thought for a minute and then said, “No, but I've been swung around by the nipples a few times.”
This ramble about government paid child care was enough to make even a Trump supporter scratch their head...
And lastly, and most startlingly, Trump admitted that he lost the last election!!!! In public!!!...
On trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection, the judge asks the wife, "First offender?"
She replied "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender."
And finally, some good advice...
And what does J.D. Vance say? That we must accept this in a free society. What a load of crap. When we felt cigarettes were a health hazard to our youth, we regulated and banned their use. Only guns get a free pass...
That sure did not make Neo-Nazi, Nick Fuentes, angry! Oh darn!!...
Kamala Harris is seeing record numbers in her fundraising, while Trump shills his new cutting board and Melania's new book...
A man tries on a made-to-order suit and says to the tailor,
“I need this sleeve taken in! It’s two inches too long!”
The tailor says, “No, just bend your elbow like this. See, it pulls up the sleeve.”
The man says, “Well, okay, but now look at the collar! When I bend my elbow, the collar goes halfway up the back of my head.”
The tailor says, “So? Raise your head up and back. Perfect.”
The man says, “But now the left shoulder is three inches lower than the right one!”
The tailor says, “No problem. Bend at the waist way over to the left and it evens out.”
The man leaves the store wearing the suit, his right elbow crooked and sticking out, his head up and back, all the while leaning down to the left.
The only way he can walk is with a herky-jerky, spastic gait.
Just then, two passersby notice him.
Says the first: “Look at that poor crippled guy. My heart goes out to him.”
Says the second: “Yeah, but his tailor must be a genius! That suit fits him perfectly!”
So that's all for this week's Update of Jokes From Shaf.
Next week, a RELIGION UPDATE
Have a great week until then.
We will be thinking of this guy getting his knee fixed today, so here is one from our pal in Denver,
...
A pregnant woman falls into a deep coma. 5 months later she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: Don't worry. You had two baby boys and your husband named them for you.
Woman: Oh no, not my husband; He's a knucklehead! What did he name them?
Doctor: Tyler
Woman: That's not too bad. What about the other?
Doctor: Drywaller
His crazy tax plan to cut taxes without increasing the deficit...
This one made me laugh...
More QUICKIES will make you groan out loud...
Are the 33% of Trump supporters swayed by all this? Not a bit...
School is in session and it did not take long for another senseless school shooting to occur, killing four people in Georgia. And as you might expect, all we hear is "thoughts and prayers" from the Republicans who are in the pocket of the gun lobby...
Nothing makes you feel good like a new suit...
With kids back at college, this would be scary...
Donald Trump is out on the campaign trail, and what is coming out of his mouth seems more crazy than ever...
The Packers returned home from Brazil with a loss and without their QB to face Jonathan Taylor and his team at Lambeau...
His plan for mass deportation of immigrants...
Spoke with The Sultan of Silicone (who today is under the knife) and he is ready to get rid of his knee pain this week. A total knee operation, and it is outpatient! I remember when cataract surgery was 3 nights in the hospital. What's next, drive through brain transplants??? Come to think of it, might not be a bad idea! I can think of one political candidate I would be happy to shuttle over. But back to The Sultan, hoping he has a quick recovery and is not in too much pain. And he once again assured me, come hell or high water, he will be with The Boys next month.
Went to the Badger-South Dakota game. While they won, if they tackle like the did last weekend and are as soft against the run, I think The Crimson Tide will drown them this coming Saturday. I just hope that they can keep it close so I don't have to keep getting texts from The Sniper (aka, Debbie Downer) about how bad they look.
And what about the Packers? I think they should call Ryan Tannehill fast. If Love is out for 6 games, they may win a couple, but any playoff hopes are probably gone. Get a veteran QB in and let Love get fully recovered before he comes back. Not real confident of Malik Willis or Sean Clifford.
And what else is going on? Let's take a look...
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