One from a guy who is not a Trump fan, ...
A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.
His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him
How did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty?
"SIMPLE" grins the millionaire, "I faked my age".
His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.
"WELL", He replied. "I said I was 87!".
Biden still leads in the polls and many see him as the next President...
Oldie but goodie...
As we get closer to November, political signs for each candidate are everywhere...
Black Lives Matter protests continue in many cities...
One for Platinum Tarks...
A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy three nickels to play with and keep him occupied.
Suddenly the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping his back.
The boy coughs up two nickels but keeps hacking. Looking at his son, the father panics, and starts shouting for help.
At the bar there's a well dressed, attractive, serious looking woman in a blue business suit reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter. She gets up from her seat and makes her way across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist; gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds, the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her.
"I've never seen anybody do anything like that before. That was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"
"No," the woman replies, "Divorce Attorney."
Never seems to phase his supporters, who took to the seas to show support in a boat parade.
Unfortunately, the big shots did not care about the little people...
I quit my career as a professional poker player, and I decided to open a grocery store.
For the first couple weeks, I didn’t earn much money. Then, I decided to rearrange the meat and the snacks in my store.
I started earning lots of money. I knew that I would succeed when the chips were down and the steaks were high.
No matter what your political affiliation, it really was a tragedy for our town.
So with the News covered, on to Today's Jokes with the coveted lead off spot going to a very dependable source for good jokes, with some not so Asian wisdom ...
And one from ...
A man comes up to the owner of a lumberjack business and says, “I need a job and I think I’m pretty good.”
The owner replied, “Okay, show me what you can do, chop down that redwood over there.”
The man said okay and left. Five minutes later he came back and was done.
The owner was shocked and asked, “How did you chop that tree down so fast?”
The man said, “I got a lot of practice in the Sahara.”
The owner replied, “You mean the Sahara desert?”
“Yes,” he said, “or at least that’s what they call it now.”
Quickie from ...
Jokes From Shaf is a cooperative humor website. We take the best of reader submissionsto go along with the best humor our staff (me) finds and publishes
updates ONCE a week every Tuesday.
Send your submissions to me via email at this below link-Email:
and if you make the grade, you will see your joke, picture or video on Jokes From Shaf.
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September 15, 2020
September 22, 2020
They Still Got It Part 2 Update
This should be where I relate to you all the highlights of the 28th straight Vegas Trip, but unfortunately, the Coronavirus had other ideas...
Funny church sign...
Why is prostitution illegal?
Because when it comes to screwing people and taking their money, the government doesn’t want anyone outperforming them.
And while we are on the subject of husbands and wives...
An old man was sitting on his farm porch one evening and saw a kid walk by holding a roll of duct tape.
Man: “where you going with that duct tape?”
Kid: “Duck hunting”
Man: “you don’t catch ducks with duct tape!”
Kid ignores him and and hour later comes past with a few ducks. The next day he’s walking by with chicken wire.
Man: “ where you going with that chicken wire?”
Kid: “chicken hunting”
Man: “you don’t catch chickens with chicken wire!”
Same as before, hour later kids coming back with a bunch of chickens.
Next day the kid’s walking but carrying a plant.
Man: “what you got there?”
Kid: “pussy willow”
Man: “ let me get my coat!”
One for a gluten free guy, Chivalrous Ken...
In Europe, there are opinions of the election, as seen on this local bus...
The Republican network, Fox News, continues to try and scare people with visions of America under Biden as lawless, destitute and jobless...
Donald Trump was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upstate New York.
He spoke for almost an hour about his plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living.
He referred to how he had supported every Native American issue that came to the news media.
Although Mr. Trump was vague about the details of his plans, he seemed most enthusiastic, and spoke eloquently about his ideas for helping his "red sisters and brothers."
At the conclusion of his speech, the Tribes presented him with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name, "Walking Eagle."
The proud Mr. Trump accepted the plaque and then departed, in his motorcade, to a fundraiser, waving to the crowds.
A news reporter later asked the group of chiefs how they came to select the new name they had given to the Presidential Candidate.
They explained that "Walking Eagle" is the name given to a bird so full of shit it can no longer fly.
But as The Chairman has been saying for weeks, you have to get out and vote in November.
In other News, Stephen Colbert gave a Milwaukee a slight in light of the fact the the Democratic Convention, planned here in August, did not come off as intended, providing a virtual tour of the city that made civic leaders mad...
Old man and young girl joke...
We can only hope that by next fall we can start again with Vegas 29, and that sometime in Spring, those who can go will find a weekend to resurrect this years trip. It certainly seems that all the Vegas Boys really realize what a great thing we have in our yearly sojourn to
Las Vegas. The friends, the fun, the bonds we have formed are something that can't be built in a year or two. Takes time. And when it is taken away, you realize how much it means to you. Oh well, at least we all are healthy and hope for better news ahead with a vaccine in the near future which would allow a return to normalcy.
And what else is new this past week? Let's see...
with many joining their voices in support...
This caused his staff and supporters to try and be creative with damage control...
But on the Republican side, nary a voice is raised in understanding the reason for people to be in the streets...
And Trump's mouth continued to get him in trouble. On the heels of the comments that those who serve in the military were "suckers and losers", he had very negative comments about the generals who command them...
A man decides to go to a bar where he sees a blonde woman.
Conversation begins and the two hit it off. The blonde eventually asks the man when his birthday is.
“March 1st,” the man replies. Suddenly, the blonde gets up and stomps around the bar before coming back to her seat.
“So when is your birthday?” the woman again asks.
Not being too phased by this odd behavior, the man again answers “March 1st.” Again, the blonde woman stomps around the bar, this time louder and longer.
When back at her seat, she angrily demands, “Are you going to tell me your birthday, or are you just going to keep telling me to march around the damn bar again?”
Romantic gesture that did not turn out as expected...
Confucius Did Not Say:
Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
Lady who goes camping with man must beware of evil intent.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
Man who runs in front of car gets tired, but man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
War does not determine who is right; it determines who is left.
Man who fights with wife all day get no piece at night.
It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it.
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
Wise man does not keep sledge hammer and slow computer in same room.
Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
And, Confucius Did Not Say. . .
"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"
They continue to blame Obama...
After hearing from city leaders, Colbert offered an olive branch...
That's all for this week's Update of Jokes.
Back next Tuesday with a They've Still Got It Part 2 Update
Have a great week until then.
Biden and the rest of the Democrats for anything wrong with America...
Sad to have missed Vegas 28. Here is a gambling joke...
Jokes From Shaf
And finally, a blonde joke...
The Trump campaign has gone through almost a billion dollars in campaign contributions and is in trouble, getting low on funds...
The big news this past week were all the revelations that Bob Woodward unearthed in his 18 hours of interviewing President Trump...
Type your paragraph here.
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