The girl in this photo gave an amazing tribute to "Weird Science" actress Kelly LeBrock...

And I bet the get a ton of hits on the "Forgot Password" on this website...

Interesting news in the legal area...

Murphy's Law in Sex
-------------------------
1.The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.

2.Nothing improves with age.

3.No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.

4.Sex has no calories.

5.Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

6.There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

7.Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.

8.No sex with anyone in the same office.

9.Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.

10.A man in the house is worth two in the street.

11.If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.

12.Virginity can be cured.

13.When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.

14.Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

15.The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.

Jokes From Shaf is a cooperative humor website. We take the best of reader submissionsto go along with the best humor our staff (me) finds and publishes 

updates ONCE a week every Tuesday.


Send your submissions to me via email at this below link

Email: 

jokes@jokesfromshaf.com

and if you make the grade, you will see your joke, picture or video on Jokes From Shaf. 


Submit often and you will get a nickname and a place in our Hall of Fame.

Quick thinking saves the day here...

In Entertainment News, Goldie Hawn has reunited with an old costar in a new movie...

Dog For Sale.    Excellent guard dog. 


Owner cannot afford to feed Jethro any more, as there are no more drug pushers,  thieves, murderers, or molesters left in the neighborhood for him to eat.  

Most of them knew Jethro only by his Chinese street name, Ho Lee Schitt.

Teacher: "Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"

Little Johnny says, "None."

The teacher says, “Listen carefully... Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"

Little Johnny again says, "None."

The teacher asks, "Can you explain that answer?"

Little Johnny says, "One is shot, the others fly away. There are none left."

The teacher says, "Well, that isn't the correct answer, but I like the way you think."

After a while little Johnny raises a hand and says, "Teacher, I have a question. There are three women in the ice cream parlor. One is licking, one is biting, and one is sucking her ice cream cone, which one is married?"

"The one sucking the cone replied the teacher.”

"No. The one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you think."

home of some of the best corned beef and pastrami I have ever eaten...

                         December  5, 2017  

And recently, he used a native American name to defame Elizabeth Warren when he was meeting with Native American Veterans...

I was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing.  I asked my wife Jill if she would go to Home Depot and pick up a hinge.
 
Jill agreed to go.  While she was waiting for the manager, Charlie, to finish serving a customer, her eye caught a beautiful bathroom faucet.
 
When the manager was finished, Jill asked him, "How much is that faucet?"
 
The manager replied, "That's a gold-plated faucet and the price is $650.00."
 
Jill exclaimed, "My goodness, that's an expensive faucet - certainly out of my price range."
 
She then proceeded to describe the hinge that I had sent her to buy.
 
The manager said that he had them in stock and it was $3.49. He then went into the storeroom to get one.  From the storeroom the manager yelled, "Ma'am, you wanna’ screw for that hinge?"
 
Jill shouted back, "No, but I will for that faucet."

Three guys were on a trip in Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 of the most beautiful women they have ever seen. They started getting friendly with a few of the women. One thing leads to another, and soon all three men have had sex with several of the women. Suddenly the Sheik enters the room.

"I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way that corresponds to your profession."

The sheik turned to the first man and asked, "What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a Cop," said the first man."Then we will shoot your penis off!" said the sheik.

He then turned to the second man and asked, "What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a Firemen," said the second man. "Then we will burn your penis off!" said the sheik.

Finally, he asked the last man, "And what do you do for a living?"

The third man answered, with a grin, "I'm a Lollipop Salesman!""

Mental health problems can occur at this time of year...

In Sports News, the deer hunting season is now going on. Here is a helpful tip if you want to go and hunt bears...

Got a tattoo?...

A nurse was telling a gorgeous co-worker about the Canadian sailor who was a patient in Ward Ten. “He’s tattooed,” she confided in a low voice, “in a very intimate place!”

“You, mean – “ grasped the beautiful nurse.

“Yes! Isn’t that odd? There’s actually a word tattooed there, it says 'Swan.’’’

“This I’ve got to see,” exclaimed the voluptuous one, and she hurried off to Ward Ten. Half an hour later, she returned.

“You were right,” she said, “he is tattooed there. But the word is ‘Saskatchewan’!’’

In Business News, it is interesting that you don't get paid for your internship to work in

this area...

Next  Update  on  

        Tuesday,

December  12, 2017

At  The  Gym   Update

Jokes From Shaf

If you want to smuggle something into a school or movie theater, it is ironic that this allows you to do it...

What is the definition of mixed emotions?

Watching your mother-in-law go off the cliff in your brand new Lexus.

Most past Presidents spent the Thanksgiving holiday in the spirit of giving to others--servicemen and women or the poor...not our current President...

Unfortunately, the result was not as we wanted, but the game was exciting and we had a great time. Was great fun spending time with one of my best friends for the past 55 years. And a tip of the hat to Big Al who suggested we eat at one of the best delis I have ever been to. If you are in Indy, be sure to make your way to...

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time. After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community... and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top, which he had promised his wife. So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him.

But, alas, Andy refused. He told the warden, "Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place."

Went to Indy to see the Big Ten Championship game with Mista Tobey...

So that's all for this Update of Jokes.

Back next week with an At The Gym Update.

Have a great week until then.

Maybe their running game could benefit from this high school running back. Tony Picard is

6 foot 5 inches and weighs 400 lbs...

Some sex advice...

DOG FOR SALE

 
Whether you own a dog or not, you must appreciate the efforts of this owner trying to sell her dog. 

Look at the picture of this lovable Chinese Mastiff and then read the sales pitch below...

In Football News, The Packers face off against the winless...

Humoar sees how we are riveted on women's volleyball when we watch the Olympics...

and a great Holiday weekend...

In more news involving celebrity assaults, two new people came under scrutiny...

And finally, speaking of sex, I'm not saying she is a slut...but...

With "Game of Thrones" on hiatus until next year, fans of the show will get a kick out of this one featuring Lord Varys...

Can't have an Update without one from                                                                                               ...

although the years have not been so nice to Kelly...

This one is a groaner...

That has made our Forefathers angry again...

So with all the News covered, lets get right to this week's Jokes, with the coveted lead off spot going to a guy with less than one month until he calls it quits on a legal career that has been most exemplary                                                                                   ...

And lastly, the fallout over calling Colin Kaepernick a hero continues...

Surprise, surprise! Two weeks in a row from                                                                                as he shows us how Thanksgiving pie are made...

Can't really understand the difference between these two Coke products...

One that my brother from another mother, The Sniper, will love...

Now that's well endowed!...

Little Johnny is at it again...

And speaking of eating this and clogging your arteries, all the Poker Guys wish a quick recovery to The Dim Bulb, who underwent triple bypass on Saturday. If determination counts,

he will soon be out of the hospital and  home with wife, Sheryl, enjoying a full recovery.


And what else is new? Lets check it out...