Football joke from ...
How about Chris Christie, who is now telling everyone to look forward, not back to 2020. His kissing of Trump's ring is glossed over as the hot air bag is making the rounds promoting his book...
And Trump has amassed a legion of sycophants with crazy ideas in his army, like members of his family...
Smart guy...
These are funny QUICKIES...
Taking his advice, The Chairman went out shopping this week only to run into...
and the Big Ten West title is on the line as the resurgent Badgers beat a tough Nebraska team and go on the road to battle their biggest rival...
Locally in Legal News, there still is no decision in the Kyle Rittenhouse case. Supporters and those who want him in jail both feel they have strong positions, and I am sure you can guess where The Chairman weighs in...
As much as I try and understand the reasoning...
So with all the News covered, on to Today's Jokes, with a Male Fairy Tale in the lead off spot coming to us from a guy who would have loved to be the Prince, ...
Everyone says that you should start you holiday shopping early, and for those who can't decide what to buy, consider an updated version of Monopoly...
In Sports News, the Packers lost a tough one against Platinum Tark's VikQueens and face another tough game, at least at home, against...
Speaking of getting a job, in Business News, the woman who started Spanx with $5000 is a wealthy lady now...
In Legal News, some of the January 6th defendants are now being convicted and receiving sentences, among the most prominent, Jacob Chansley, aka The QANon Shamon aka Bison Man, getting 41 months in jail...
That's all for this week's Update of Jokes From Shaf.
Next week, a CHRIS FARLEY UPDATE.
Have a great week until then.
Only in the GOP do you have Congressmen bragging about killing a rival from the other Party, as despite being censured, Paul Gosar retweeted his horrid video the next day...
the logic of their self protection and mistrust of the medical community seems flawed...
We seem to have come to such a point in this country that there is no discussion of common good,
only rage and vitriol, like this person. If you don't want to give out candy for Halloween, don't answer the bell!!!!!...
"I do not tolerate tardiness," a professor tells his class at the beginning on the semester.
Looking out at the sea of stricken faces in the large lecture hall he continues. "There are 300 of you, and only one of me. I will not allow you to waste my time. If you are late to class, I will count you as absent for the day. If you hand in an assignment late, it will not count towards your grade. If you are even one minute late for a test, do not bother handing it in, I will not grade it."
Throughout the semester he makes good on his promise, throwing out late papers and marking late students absent. At the end of the semester, the day before the final, he reminds the students to be on time or their tests will not be graded.
The next day all of the students arrive on time for the test, except for one. Twenty minutes into the test this last student casually walks into the class, goes to the front of the room, and picks up a test. He takes it to a desk and proceeds to fill in the answers.
The professor watches, first in annoyance, and then with an air of smug satisfaction at the life lesson he's about to deliver. "Just wait until he tries to turn it in and finds I won't grade it!"
The test period winds down and students start to hand in their tests. All the students, that is, except for the late student. As the pile of papers grows, so does the professor's anger. The late student continues to fill in his answers all the way to the end of the period, even going ten minutes over. Finally, he gets up to hand in his paper.
By this time, the professor is absolutely fuming. "How dare you!" He rants at the student. "Coming in late, staying after the bell has rung! Just who do you think you are?!"
The student gives the professor a scathing look. "Don't you *know who I am?"
"No," the professor scoffs, "I certainly do not!"
"Oh thank goodness!" says the student, relieved. He shoves his test into the middle of the stack of exams and runs out of the room.
At last, a run I can do...
What about crazy General Michael Flynn, who last week said that there should only be one religion in the United States...
The wise words of Rabbi Scott bear listening to on this subject...
A Male Fairy Tale
Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess,
"Will you marry me?"
The Princess immediately said, "No!"
And the Prince lived happily ever after,
and
rode motorcycles
and
hunted and fished
and
raced cars
and
dated ladies half his age
and
drank whisky, beer, and Captain Morgan,
and
dated cheerleaders
and
kept his house
and
ate spam, potato chips and beans,
and
he had lots of dogs
and
all his friends and family thought
he was cool as hell,
and
he had tons of money in the bank,
and
left the toilet seat up.
The End
Need more examples of where we could be headed?...
Well, maybe with some of them...
Surprise, two clean jokes in a row...
In general, I try to take a nuanced approach to the news I read, to find balanced coverage and not be an alarmist, but reading this terrified me. To have a former top government official so blatantly and willfully distorting the meaning of "one nation, under God," was a gut punch to me as a Jewish person, a faith leader, and a thinking, feeling human who has learned his history.
Did you know that the phrase "under God" was only added to the Pledge of Allegiance 60 years after its adoption? After a group of Jehovah's Witnesses successfully won a court case freeing them from being compelled to salute and pledge to the flag (which they considered a graven image), a Catholic group reacted by lobbying for God's name to be inserted into the pledge, reestablishing a Christian-centric narrative for our nation.
It seems like every time religious minorities gain a bit of freedom, the majority tends to feel as though the nation they knew is slipping away. But my religious rights being protected doesn't mean yours are under assault; in fact protecting the minority freedoms only insures the rights of all people.
We cannot ever be a nation of 1 religion. It is anti-American, anti-democratic, and, historically, the beginning of religious persecution and some of the worst chapters in human history. Let's do better.
Some of the ringleaders continue to defy their Congressional summons and are defiant in their position. Let's hope they get knocked down a peg...
Seeing the push by Republicans to wear masks a few years ago during the AIDS crisis, this still puzzles me...
A few quickies from ...
Some Trump cronies have served their purpose and have been discarded, like Rudy Giuliani...
The Boston Symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth.
In the piece, there’s about a 20 min long passage during which the double basses have nothing to do. Rather than sit around the whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick drink. After slamming several beers in quick succession (as double bassists are pone to do), one of them looked at his watch, “Hey! We need to get back!”
“No need to panic,” said a fellow bassist. “I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor’s score together with string. I’ll take him a few minutes to get it untangled.”
A few minutes later they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her date.
“Well, of course,” said her date. “Don’t you see? It’s the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded.”
November 23, 2021
If you can't get to Vegas, have to gamble elsewhere...
Jokes From Shaf
Vaccine boosters are now approved for all, but some still resist getting them...
The first woman on the moon contacts mission control.
“Houston, we have a problem.”
“What is it?”
“Never mind.”
“What’s the problem?”
“It’s nothing.”
“Please tell us.”
“I’m fine.”
and...
Went to a steak house and the waitress asked how I wanted my steak.
I said, “just like I want my sex.”
She said, “we don’t make them that rare.”
and one more...
A drunk man at a bar shouts “all lawyers are assholes!”
Another man replies, “TAKE THAT BACK!”
“Why? Are you a lawyer?”
“No, I’m an asshole”
How about Moscow Mitch McConnell, who flip flops his position on the debt ceiling according to who is in office...
Darkside joke...
What does a stripper and peanut butter have in common?
They both spread for bread.
A clever one...
What about Missouri's Josh Hawley who claims that feminism has driven men to porno and video games. His platform comprises a return to "Masculinity"...
Funny pics about violence...
Trump continues to try and remove any Republican who voted to impeach him or voted with the Democrats in any way, because fidelity to Trump is the most important thing...more important than love of country, more important than adhering to Republican values...
Holiday week this week, with many of you spending the time with your families. We are fortunate that MBArry came in from New York to spend the week with us. For the rest of our kids, they will be with their in laws, however we will be fortunate enough to spend time with them in a month in Cabo. Speaking of kids, my granddaughter Emmy did not want to get her Covid shot and made such a fuss that her mother took her home and said to DrJ, you get her to get it. He came up with a very clever idea, poking her with a meat thermometer to show her what the shot would feel like. It worked like a charm, she went a got the vaccine without a peep the second time. The nurse was puzzled as to why he brought a meat thermometer to the vaccine site however.
Many of you watched the talk given by Rabbi Scott last week on the nature of prayer for both Christians and Jews. His talk was well prepared, very well given and with an engaging smile on his face which drew his audience in. I was so proud of him, and many of you reached out to me to tell me what a great job he did. It is nice when your child finds a career path that he is happy with, and it seems that the clergy is a great fit for him.
And in the sick bay, a speedy recovery to Bert's wife who is recovering from a broken bone. It seems that she has been plagued by these, having broken her wrist a year ago. Thankfully it will not alter their plans to head to Palm Springs for 3 months this winter. Wish them well and with
he and The Czar of The Cigar gone after the first of the year, our poker game of close to 40 years is not quite the same.
And what else is going on this week? Let's take a look and see as The Chairman looks at...
After many years of fighting crime as batman, Bruce Wayne finally got married and had a son. His son turned out to be brilliant at investing, especially in bitcoin, making Wayne Enterprises one of the biggest companies on the planet.
All this time, Bruce had been training him, and when the time was right, Bruce introduced his son to the Justice League, and told them that his son was going to take his place. Everyone was very welcoming, except for superman, who immediately quit the Justice League. He just couldn't work with a crypto knight.
Consider the expulsion of Rep. Liz Chaney from the Wyoming Republican Party. Having one of the best voting records of ANY Republican, she is being ousted because she dares to defy the will of Donald Trump...
And why, when they do get sick, do they flock to the hospitals to have those same distrusted doctors try anything to save their lives...
After all, the game did need to be modernized for today's world...
Not sure if this is resonating with the ladies out there...
Only in the Republican Party can you have a governor give a speech an call the Biden administration the "Brandon Administration", a third grade slur "Let's Go Brandon" meaning
"Fuck You Biden"...
And finally, this makes sense...
Oh, come on Chairman, just one isolated nut. Not so. Religious persecution and what next? Does book burning remind you of what the world went to war for 75 years ago?...
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November 23, 2021
Update 1071
Next Update-
November 30, 2021
CHRIS FARLEY UPDATE
A gas station owner in Arkansas was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read: *** "FREE SEX w/fill-up ... just guess the right number between 1 & 10.” ***
Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank, and asked for his FREE SEX.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his FREE SEX.
The redneck guessed ‘8’.
The proprietor said, "You were close. The number was ‘7’. Sorry, but no FREE SEX this time."
A week later, the same redneck, along w/his brother, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his FREE SEX.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.
The redneck guessed ‘2’ this time.
The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was ‘3’. You were close, but no FREE SEX this time."
As they were driving away, the redneck said to his brother, "I think that game is rigged, and he doesn't really give away FREE SEX."
Bubba replied, "No. it ain't, Billy Ray. My wife won twice last week."
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