A Jewish woman goes to see her Rabbi and asks, "Yankele and Yosele are both in love with me, who will be the lucky one?" The wise old Rabbi answers, "Yankele will marry you. Yosele will be the lucky one.
If a married Jewish man is walking alone in a park and expresses an opinion without anybody hearing him, is he still wrong?
My father says, "Marry a girl who has the same belief as the family. " I said, "Dad, why would I marry a girl who thinks I'm a schmuck?"
Jewish Marriage advice: "Don't marry a beautiful person. They may leave you. Of course, an ugly person may leave you too, But who cares?"
The Italian says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have wine.
"The Frenchman says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have cognac.
"The Russian says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have vodka.
"The German says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have beer.
"The Mexican says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have tequila.
"The Jew says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have diabetes."
Jewish proverb: "A Jewish wife will forgive and forget, but she'll never forget what she forgave."
A Jewish congregation in suburban Toronto honors its Rabbi for 25 years of service by sending him to Hawaii for a week, all expenses paid. When he walks into his hotel room, he finds a beautiful nude woman lying on the bed. She greets the Rabbi with, "Hi, Rabbi, I'm a little something extra that the President of the shul arranged for you."
The Rabbi is incensed. He picks up the phone, calls the President of the shul and shouts, "Greenblatt, what were you thinking? Where is your respect? I am the moral leader of our religious community! I am very angry with you and you have not heard the end of this.“
Hearing this, the naked woman gets up and starts to get dressed. The Rabbi turns to her and asks, "Where are you going? I'm not angry with you.”
A look at some of the best Jewish Stand-Up comics every week on the
Jewish Jokes Page, so take a listen as The Chairman brings you this
weeks Kosher laugh fest...
Harrison Greenbaum is an American stand-up comedian and comedy writer. Greenbaum was born in Manhattan, New York and grew up in Woodmere, New York on Long Island. He graduated as valedictorian of his class at Lawrence High School.
Greenbaum attended Harvard, where he graduated summa cum laude in 2008 and won the 2006 Visiting Committee Prize for Undergraduate Book Collecting for his collection of magic books. He also won the Gordon W. Allport Prize for his psychology thesis, "'Did you hear the one about the...?': The effect of racial humor on prejudice."
While at Harvard, Greenbaum co-founded the Harvard College Stand-Up Comic Society.
Greenbaum has performed at many of the leading comedy clubs throughout the world including Carolines on Broadway, Gotham Comedy Club, Comix NY, Comic Strip Live, and the Laugh Factory, and is a regular at the Comedy Cellar. He continues to perform in more than 600 shows a year, making him one of the most in-demand stand-up comedians currently working in New York City, and leading the New York Daily News to refer to him as "the hardest-working man in comedy."
Greenbaum is the winner of the 2010 Andy Kaufman Award, given in recognition of creativity and originality in comedy. He is also the winner of the 2011 Magners Comic Stand-Off and a 2011 Shorty Award for excellence in short-form social media (i.e. Twitter). Greenbaum was named one of 2010's "Comics to Watch" by Comedy Central and one of the "Best of the Breakout Artists" by Carolines on Broadway and Punchline Magazine. As part of Carolines' Breakout Artists Series, Greenbaum headlined the club, becoming the first performer to sell out a "Breakout" show. Greenbaum became a member of the New York Friars' Club in 2009, making him one of the youngest people ever inducted into the legendary club.
Here is a bit from his stand up routine...
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