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A Retired Jewish Man Is Walking On The Beach, When He Sees A Bottle In The Sand.
He picks it up and rubs it, and a genie comes out. The genie promises to grant him one wish.
The man pulls a crumpled map from his pocket and shows it to the genie.
He says, "Peace in the Middle East, that's my wish."
The genie studies the map, but looks looks concerned. He hands the map back and says, "I'm sorry, sir. I come from the Middle East myself, and these conflicts have been raging since even before my time. Bringing peace to that region is beyond my powers. Do you have another wish?"
The guy thinks and says, "Well, I've been married for forty years, and in my whole life I've never received oral sex from my wife. That would be my wish."
The genie pauses for another moment and then says, "Let me see that map again."
With all the submissions The Chairman gets each day, this topic is the most popular.
With this in mind, we now have a category which features "The Jewish Joke of The Day".
And today's Jewish Joke is from your host, and this one is funny...
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Jokes From Shaf
Joan Rivers was born Joan Alexandra Molinsky was born on June 8, 1933, in Brooklyn, New York, to Russian-Jewish immigrants Beatrice (née Grushman) and Meyer C. Molinsky. She had an elder sister named Barbara Waxler. Rivers spent her early life in Prospect Heights and Crown Heights in Brooklyn, where she attended the progressive and now-defunct Brooklyn Ethical Culture School and Adelphi Academy of Brooklyn, a college preparatory day school, where she was co-chairman of her school, due to her past experiences in theatrical activities. Within two years, she performed in the School Cavalcades, and in 1949, aged 16, she was vice president of the Dramatic Club. She graduated from the Adelphi Academy of Brooklyn, in 1951, at 18. In her adolescence, Rivers relocated with her family to Larchmont, north of New York City. Rivers stated in interviews that she was overweight throughout her childhood and adolescence, and that it had a profound impact on her body image, which she would struggle with throughout her life.
She attended Connecticut College between 1950 and 1952, and graduated from Barnard College in 1955 with a B.A. summa cum laude in English literature and anthropology; she was a member of Phi Beta Kappa. Before entering show business, Rivers worked at various jobs such as a tour guide at Rockefeller Center, a writer/proofreader at an advertising agency and a fashion consultant at Bond Clothing Stores. During this period, agent Tony Rivers advised her to change her name, so she chose Joan Rivers as her stage name.
Rivers performed in numerous comedy clubs in the Greenwich Village area of New York City in the early 1960s, including The Bitter End, The Gaslight Cafe and The Duplex. Rivers became friends with her fellow Greenwich Village comedians Woody Allen and George Carlin and often ate with them. She also describes working in the Village alongside noted musicians Bob Dylan, Barbra Streisand, Carly Simon and Simon and Garfunkel.
She also made an appearance as a guest on the television program The Tonight Show originating from New York, hosted at the time by Jack Paar. By 1965, Rivers had a stint on Candid Camera as a gag writer and participant; she was "the bait" to lure people into ridiculous situations for the show. After seven auditions during a period of three years, she made her first appearance on The Tonight Show with new host Johnny Carson, on February 17, 1965. Rivers credited this episode to be her breakthrough, as Carson said to her on the air "you're gonna be a star". Following this appearance, she became a frequent guest on the program and a close friend of Carson.
Throughout the 70s and 80s, Rivers became a staple on TV shows, in comedy clubs and on late night TV. In 1986, the move came that ended Rivers' longtime friendship with Johnny Carson. The soon-to-launch Fox Television Network announced that it was giving her a late night talk show, The Late Show Starring Joan Rivers, making Rivers the first woman to have her own late-night talk show on a major network. The new network planned to broadcast the show 11 p.m. to midnight Eastern Time, making her a Carson competitor. Carson learned of the show from Fox and not from Rivers. In the documentary Johnny Carson: King of Late Night, Rivers said that she only called Carson to discuss the matter after learning that he may have already heard about it and that he immediately hung up on her. In the same interview, she said that she later came to believe that maybe she should have asked for his blessing before taking the job. Rivers was banned from appearing on The Tonight Show, a decision respected by Carson's first two successors Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien. Rivers did not appear on The Tonight Show again until February 17, 2014, when she made a brief appearance on new host Jimmy Fallon's first episode.
Here is Joan Rivers doing stand up touching on Jews at Christmas, cougars and lots more...