While in Israel I found a great buy on a computer. It is a kosher computer, called a DELLSHALOM. It was selling at such a good price that...well...

Mine arrived today. If you or a friend are considering a kosher computer, you should know that there were some important upgrades and changes from the typical computer you are used to, such as:



The cursor moves from right to left.


It comes with two hard drives-one for fleyshedik business software and one for milchedik games.


Instead of getting a "General Protection Fault" error, my PC now gets a "Ferklempt" error.


The Chanukah screen savers include "Flying Dreidels". The PC also shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.


After my computer dies, I have to dispose of it within 24 hours.


The "Start" button has been replaced with a "Let's go! I'm not getting any younger!" button.


When disconnecting external devices from the back of my PC, I am instructed to "Remove the cable from the PC's tuchus."


The multimedia player has been renamed to "Nu, so play my music already!"


Internet Explorer has a spinning "Star of David" in the upper right corner.


I hear "Hava Nagila" during startup.


Microsoft Office now includes "A little byte of this, and a little byte of that."


When running "scandisk," it prompts with a "You want I should fix this?" message.


When my PC is working too hard, I occasionally hear a loud "Oy Gevalt!"


There is a "monitor cleaning solution" from Manischewitz that advertises that it gets rid of the "schmaltz und drek" on your monitor.


After 20 minutes of no activity, my PC goes "Schlaffen."


Computer viruses can now be cured with some matzo ball chicken soup.


The Y2K problem has been replaced by "Year 5760-5761" issues.


If you decide not to shut down the computer in the prescribed manner, the following message appears "You should be ashamed of yourself."


When Spellcheck finds an error it prompts "Is this the best you can do?"

A look at some of the best Jewish Stand-Up comics every week on the 

Jewish Jokes Page, so take a listen as The Chairman brings you this

weeks Kosher laugh fest...

Not getting any good  JEWISH JOKES from the crowd, so it is up to The Chairman to find some content, and this one Brad The College Grad will get a kick out of...

Sacha Noam Baron Cohen was born into a Jewish family in the Hammersmith area of London on 13 October 1971. His mother, photographer Daniella (née Weiser), was born in British Mandatory Palestine in 1939. His father, editor-turned-clothing store owner Gerald "Jerry" Baron Cohen (1932–2016), was born into a Belarusian Ashkenazi Jewish family in London and grew up in the Welsh town of Pontypridd. Baron Cohen's paternal grandfather, Morris Moses Cohen, added "Baron" to his surname. His maternal grandmother, Liesel (née Levi), lived in Haifa and trained as a ballet dancer in Germany before fleeing the Nazis in 1936. He has two older brothers: Erran, a composer with whom he often collaborates, and Amnon. His cousins include autism researcher Sir Simon Baron-Cohen, playwright Dan Baron Cohen, and filmmaker Ash Baron-Cohen.

Baron Cohen was first educated at the independent Catholic St Columba's College in St Albans, before moving on to attend the independent Haberdashers' Aske's Boys' School in Elstree. He then studied history with a focus on antisemitism at Christ's College, Cambridge, graduating in 1993 with upper-second-class honours. As an undergraduate, he wrote his thesis on the role of Jewish activists in the American civil rights movement. He was a member of the Cambridge University Amateur Dramatic Club, where he performed in shows such as Fiddler on the Roof and Cyrano de Bergerac, as well as acted in shows with the Labouryouth movement Habonim Dror. He played the cello while growing up, and made his television debut as a cellist on Fanfare for Young Musicians.


Baron Cohen grew up as a fan of Monty Python and Peter Cook, but his greatest comedic influence was Peter Sellers, whom he saw as "this incredibly realistic actor, who was also hilarious and who managed to bridge the gap between comedy and satire".Known for portraying a wide range of comic characters using different accents and guises, Sellers was referred to by Baron Cohen as "the most seminal force in shaping [his] early ideas on comedy".  After leaving university, Baron Cohen worked for a time as a fashion model.[22] By the early 1990s, he was hosting a weekly programme on Windsor cable television's local broadcasts with Carol Kirkwood, who later became a BBC weather forecaster. In 1995, Channel 4 was planning a replacement for its series The Word, and disseminated an open call for new television presenters. Baron Cohen sent in a tape of himself, which caught the attention of a producer. Baron Cohen hosted Pump TV from 1995 to 1996.


He has developed a stable of characters including Borat Sagdyev, Ali G, The Dictator, Burno Gerhard, and  Admiral General Aladeen. He parlayed these into TV spots and movies.


He is outspoken on the subject of human rights. In 2019, Baron Cohen was awarded the Anti-Defamation League's International Leadership Award for opposing bigotry and prejudice. In accepting the award, Baron Cohen gave an impassioned speech directing criticism at internet companies, singling out Facebook, Google, YouTube and Twitter as part of "the biggest propaganda machine in history" and claiming that their rules on hate speech meant "they would have let Hitler buy ads".


Here is Sacha Baron Cohen, as Borat, at the Kennedy Honor show...

                    June 18, 2024

Jokes From Shaf

With all the submissions The Chairman gets each day, this topic is the most popular.
With this in mind, we now have a category which features "The Jewish Joke of The Day".

Jokes From Shaf is a cooperative humor website. We take the best of reader submissions to go along with the best humor our staff (me) finds and publishes updates ONCE a week every Tuesday.


Send your submissions to me via email at this below link-Email: 

jokes@jokesfromshaf.com

and if you make the grade, you will see your joke, picture or video on Jokes From Shaf. 


Submit often and you will get a nickname and a place in our Hall of Fame.


June  18, 2024


Update 1157



Next Update

June 25, 2024


OLD  FOLKS  GOT  IT

ON AGT  UPDATE




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